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How can families talk about a move like this more sensitively?
Families often want the same thing, yet approach a move from very different perspectives. Better conversations begin by understanding what each person is really trying to protect.
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- Related Considerations
- Auriens perspective
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There is no single conversation to get right
Few families reach a decision about later living through one perfectly judged conversation. More often, the subject emerges gradually: a comment about the house becoming demanding, concern after an illness, a partner taking on more responsibility, or a child beginning to wonder what might happen in the years ahead.
The difficulty is that the same situation can look very different depending on where you stand. Adult children may be thinking about safety, future support or the practicalities of managing a home. Their parents may be thinking about independence, identity and retaining control over decisions that affect their life. Partners can have different priorities too, particularly when one has gradually assumed more responsibility for the other.
What sounds like disagreement is therefore often a difference in what each person is trying to protect. Recognising this can change the tone of the discussion. Rather than arguing over whether someone should move, it becomes possible to ask more useful questions: what is causing concern, what does nobody want to lose, and what would need to be true for an alternative to feel worth considering?
It also removes the pressure to resolve everything at once. Confidence tends to develop through a succession of conversations and experiences, with different people reaching conclusions at different speeds. A coffee morning or lunch may answer questions about who lives somewhere; attending an event can reveal more about the social life; meeting residents offers perspectives no brochure can provide. A repeat visit or trial stay can make an unfamiliar idea considerably more tangible.
For families, the most constructive role is often to create the conditions in which these possibilities can be considered openly, rather than trying to determine the outcome. Concern can begin the discussion, but listening, time and first-hand experience allow it to develop.
Ultimately, a move affects many people, but belongs to the person making it. The best family conversations respect that distinction while making room for everyone who cares about them to be heard.
Related Considerations
What if family members see the decision differently?
Disagreement does not necessarily mean someone is wrong. A partner may be thinking about familiarity, a child about future reassurance, while another family member is focused on finances or practicalities. It helps to separate these concerns rather than attempting to resolve them as one. Ask what each person is reluctant...
How are families supported through the move?
Once a decision has been made, attention turns from whether to move to how to make it manageable. Apartment planning, interior design, decisions about what to bring and the logistics of moving can all involve family members, particularly when they live some distance away. A consistent point of contact helps...
How can Auriens help address different concerns?
Not every concern is best answered with more information. Someone wondering about the community may learn more over coffee with residents than from a brochure. A person concerned about privacy might spend time in an apartment; someone unsure about the social life could attend a talk, dinner or cultural event....
Auriens perspective
Understand the life before the move
Everyone comes to us with a different life around them. We spend time listening to the individual and, where appropriate, the family, friends or advisers they trust. Visiting someone at home can be especially valuable. It reveals how they really live, what they value and what they would want any future move to preserve.
There is no timetable
People first speak to us at very different stages. Some may be considering a move relatively soon; others are thinking five or even ten years ahead. Both are entirely valid. We are not there to accelerate the decision. Our role is to give people the time, information and experiences they need to reach their own conclusion with confidence.
Sometimes the right answer is not Auriens
The apartment is often the least complicated part of the decision. What matters is whether the overall way of living is right for that person. We spend considerable time understanding this and, occasionally, recommend another option – including remaining at home. Trust comes from knowing the objective is not simply a sale, but helping someone reach the right decision for them.
Perhaps the next step is simply to experience it
A conversation, coffee morning or visit can be a useful first step – an opportunity to experience Auriens without expectation and consider, in your own time, whether it might be right for you.
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2 Dovehouse Street
London, SW3 6BF
020 4549 8000
Auriens is a member of ARCO, which represents Integrated Retirement Communities in Great Britain. As an ‘Approved Operator’, Auriens aims to comply at all times with the requirements of the ARCO Consumer Code.